Single and dating (Part 1 – The Public Part)

This post is going to be a slight detour from my experiences of moving to another state and be a bit more personal. I debated making this a private post to turn out to the public later, but have decided to instead make it public (for the most part). If anyone is bothered by anything I say in here that wasn’t my intention, nor was it to make anyone feel (worse/different). Rather, it’s just a little glimpse into the past year of my life being single.

As I approach the anniversary of Trish and I splitting (I know, hard to believe but in about a week it will be a full year) I can’t help but reflect on the women I’ve dated in that time. There have been 4 women that I dated with any sort of seriousness over the past year, and each of them were similar, but also vastly different. They each taught me a little bit more about myself and the person I would like to eventually spend the rest of my life with, and I am thankful to every one of them and wish them all the best. I am not going to discuss WHY we are no longer dating necessarily, but just give a little insight as to what each of them meant to me.

Some thought I started dating awfully early after my split, but anyone close knew that it was something that had been building for a long time, and just getting out without and enjoying life was a great relief. I met Dawn about a month after Trish and I split, and we had some of that instant chemistry. We quickly became great friends and did some crazy things just to get a few moments together. Dawn was carefree, with just enough of the wild streak to keep things interesting. The best thing she ever did for me though was my birthday. We had only known each other a few weeks, and I was thinking it was going to be a pretty quiet birthday to just get past. She and her daughters made sure that wasn’t the case. She told me to be ready for her call, and to drive to a place she would then tell me about. I followed her directions (in my typical fashion and almost getting lost), and found myself in a small park later in the day. There was noone else around and she had candles setup on one of the picnic tables, and had made me one of my favorite dishes (stuffed peppers). With a blanket spread out on the grass for us to sit and eat we had a couple glasses of wine, her daughter had made me a cake, and Dawn surprised me with a giant stuffed monkey (OK, you HAVE to know I like monkeys if you’ve spent any time with me at all!). Anyway, we sat on the blanket for hours that night, just talking and being with each other. It was one of the best nights I can remember and will always be a very special birthday to me. Dawn and I still find each other online from time to time and chat for a bit, but as time goes on that happens less and less frequently, but she still has a special place in my heart as someone who showed me that it was OK to be happy even after a split up.

I met Alicia around Thanksgiving of 2008 (in fact I think it was the Wednesday BEFORE Thanksgiving that year that we went out for the first time). Alicia was different from Dawn, both were strong and independent (something I have discovered I find really attractive in a woman) and both had that natural beauty that allows them to look great even when they just throw something on to head out the door, but Alicia had a bit more no-nonsense attitude about her. She’d tell you exactly what was on her mind, and not only that, she’d tell you WHY she thought that way, or why I might have said or done something. Falling into a very comfortable and familiar rhythm with her I did all those little things that generally make relationships thrive. Showing up at her house one evening with some ice-cream because talking to her on the phone I realized she’d had a horrible day. I drove out to her work for lunch (Hemet to San Dimas isn’t a short drive) and taking her a sub from her favorite sandwich place, even though I knew I’d be lucky to get 15 minutes or so of her time. Alicia is just a person I feel so fortunate to know and thankful that we get along as well as we do. There are so many “inside jokes” between us and our talks are always fun and enlightening. Alicia is now the person I can most easily turn to when I need someone to talk to. I have some people ask if Alicia and I might ever date again after they listen me talk about her. I can’t answer that question with any certainty. I know I wouldn’t mind at all if we started seeing each other again on that level. The only thing I can say with certainty is I will do whatever I can to make sure she remains a part of my life as you can never have enough people THAT close to you. Her and I both know we can contact the other at any given time, vent our frustrations, and be told the simple and honest truth about the situation. Neither of us will pull any punches and tells each other exactly as it is from our viewpoint. Her input is something I cherish and she seems to be the first person I find myself turning to as I travel down some of these new roads.

Stephanie and I met awhile after Alicia and I stopped dating. Something about her made me respond to her personal ad (yes I found her through online dating as I did most of the women I dated since I don’t get “out of my normal locations” often). She is beautiful, but wasn’t my “typical” dating type. To be honest, if I had just seen her in public I probably would have noticed her, but maybe not thought to try to meet her. But reading through her profile she sounded like just the type of person I was interested in, so I emailed her. She responded back and we started texting and chatting online. Her schedule was as hectic as mine, so our first date consisted of her bringing her daughters over and I made dinner. We got to talk a bit with the kids running around and I just got to like more and more of what I saw. She has her strong will and a very decisive mind of what is right and wrong. I wouldn’t want to change her mind about anything (and doubt that I could) but again, we had a sort of chemistry that just clicked. Even after we stopped dating we still got together a few times a month to grab a bite to eat and catch a movie. Spending time with her was always fun and I really am grateful for having got to know her. Recent decisions I made have alienated us, but I do hope that someday we can put that behind us and become friends again.

The last person I won’t mention by name. In fact, the more I think about it, I believe I am going to have to make this last part of the post private (at least for now). If I ever do make it public it will be obvious why I made this choice, but let me just wrap this up by saying each of these women taught me something different about myself and about the person I am looking for. They are all great people, and I hope they each find whatever it is they seek to make them happy in life. They each deserve to find a partner that will make them feel special every day they are together. I have love for every one of them, and hope they each know, that they can call on me anytime they need anything and I’ll be willing to help out in whatever way I can. Without having known them, this past year would have been quite a bit more boring, and definitely not so educational. Thank you for sharing a bit of yourselves with me.

I love all of you,

Gerg