Little sleep, but no delete.

I went to bed a little after 3 and actually fell asleep quite quickly. Probably because I had the feeling that I had vented adequately and was much more relaxed. That’s the main purpose of a lot of my posts is to just give myself a place to put things down ‘for the record’ to come back to later and be reminded not only of where I was in life, but more importantly how I was thinking about life. Little did I know that upon awakening this morning I would have so many comments back to my last posting (albeit on my Facebook profile). I considered removing the post before more people started having the same thoughts that I was feeling lost, but decided instead to just reply. I started to reply to some of the comments right on Facebook, but being long winded when it comes to this stuff, decided it might be better here (with a notice on FB for anyone to look here for my updates).

My cousin Ron, thanks for the comment about the boys, and I know I have seen you in years (or most of my cousins/family for that matter). I’m a bad cousin but if I can get things moving in a more positive financial direction I really hope to be able to make it out there for the Jurec reunion this year and get by to see a lot of you. I’ll do my best to let everyone know that I am coming so we can make some sort of plans to at least get together for a bit. But back to my replies now. I wasn’t aware I was coming across as being hard on myself, but I guess to a point I am. Though to be honest I don’t think I will change that, as sometimes we are our own best critics. Every day I get a better idea of who/where I want to be in life and do my best to push myself in that direction. I’ve made mistakes as both a husband and a father but hopefully those around me realized that I learned from every one of them (and let’s be fair, we ALL make our share of mistakes). The person I am today is because of those mistakes and I know now, better than ever, that no one else is responsible for my happiness. When I wake up each morning it’s up to me to decide to have a good day or a bad, I try to always choose good, but sometimes we have our moments.

I guess some of that post was a reflection back on some of the women I’ve dated over the past couple years. I’ve been told by some (and come to conclude with a few of the others) that they were waiting for the ‘real’ me to emerge. I’ve been told by a few of them that I was the ‘perfect guy’, attentive, thoughtful, caring, and generous, but they just weren’t ‘feeling’ it (damn I use quotes a lot, if we were talking in person I’d probably be getting finger cramps from doing the air quotes motion so much). Then the other day I was texting with one of them and she commented sort of indirectly about how she was waiting to find out about the true me. And it made me sit back and think a bit about how many guys out there have just screwed up a good majority of these women because they wanted the immediate happiness rather than building to something long term. Most of them can’t believe there are any guys still out there that are actually looking for that special link that makes doing even the most mundane of things an event to look forward to. When I am around some of my closest friends I don’t mind at all doing the grocery shopping, or laundry, or a majority of those things because together we have so much more fun and the task itself loses it’s feeling of being a chore, and instead becomes a chance to spend more time with friends.

OK, I was off on a bit of a rant but hope I came across at least with a little bit of clarity. So now Cindy… you are starting off on a path that is both a bit frightening and exciting all at the same time. Your opportunities are wide open, and it looks like you are doing everything you can to make sure you take advantage of every single one of them. My biggest thought there (at least as it comes across on FB) is how well you guys are handling your divorce. Keeping it civil is good for the kids, but also for you guys as well (one of my older blog posts I actually talk a bit about that). And looking forward to what you can work towards (not to say you couldn’t have before this, but sometimes we all need that little push to get the ball rolling) makes the days so worthwhile. I am loving your little comments about what some would consider the most mundane of things in life. From loving your bed, to excitement over sea monkeys, I think the more we start to appreciate those parts of our lives, then the richer the rest of our life becomes. That then leads to us not feeling that the harder times are so unbearable because we have something to look back on and realize how fortunate we are each day. I’m excited for you and can’t wait to see what else lights up each of your days. Keep posting those little snippets, then when you are having a bad day, be a bit self-centered and go back to review your profile. Having some of this stuff posted ‘for all eternity (or until they turn off the internet)’ can be one of the best ways to give yourself a little boost in those trying times.

And finally, Sharon. Keep swinging at the curve balls. The place you are in now personally I wouldn’t wish on anyone, but you still bring light to the room when you come in. I’ve enjoyed our chances to get together to hang out and chat and look forward to many more of them. Keep your head up and know that as long as you continue to be true to yourself, and persevere, the ends will justify the means. No matter how everything works out eventually, I know you’ll come out the other side a better/stronger person for it. Just because I may not post a message doesn’t mean I have forgotten about you. Anytime you (or anyone else for that matter) would like to get together I’m simply a phone call away (or whatever method you have to get ahold of me).

So that brings us to the wrap up. Another message I woke up to this morning was from a person whom I’ve talked a bit with online, and we’ve attempted to actually meet in person, but our schedules have prevented it. She basically said thanks, but she had taken some time to herself and wanted to  let me know that she decided she didn’t want to meet after all. That was a bit of the point I was making in my last post, that I prefer the honesty over dragging things out. And while I’m a bit disappointed that we won’t be meeting after all, I appreciate her saying so now. After all, it’s her loss, I’m a heck of a good guy (read earlier in this post if you need clarification there (-;  At the same time I can’t help but be just a bit intrigued by the timing of her cancelling our chance to meet right after that post. I truly hope it is because she does need to ‘find herself’ and wish her and everyone the best of luck in finding true happiness in life. Here’s my little tip in closing… true happiness can be found inside of yourself. Be happy with who you are and the rest of life becomes a piece of cake.

Gerg